SJB Gilmour Writes

…and rants and ruminates…

Category: The Slop

The Classic Beef Burger From Burger Bliss And Why I’m In No Rush To Return

You know the feeling.  That craving you get that can’t be satisfied with any substitute?  I had to have a burger.  I needed it.  So, over to Burger Bliss I went.  They’re just accross the street from my work, which is a shame.  I don’t like giving my neighbours bad reviews, but this is the second time I’ve been there, and the second time I’ve left disappointed.

I ordered the Classic Beef Combo Meal.  It comes with a burger, fries, and a drink – either water, a can (no diet), or iced tea.

 

I asked for iced tea, but was told there was none yet.  HUH?  It was 12:30.  If ever there was time to have it ready, you’d think it would have been then.  So, I got a Fanta.  The wait for the meal was pleasant enough.  I sat down with a highlighter and a manuscript and got some proofing done.  Then the food came out, and evidently this was the cue to rupture my eardrums with Europop.

Normally, I’m in the “If it’s too loud, you’re too old!” camp, but jeez, that music noise was awful.  When I asked them to turn it down, I got a grunt and they turned if off completely.  Apparrently there’s no middle ground with these guys.   That’s not the only thing about which they’re inflexible.  Most of the classice flavours of milkshake just don’t exist there.  Want a chocolate shake?  The closest you’ll get is either Nutella or Home Made Salted Caramel.  What about Strawberry?  Well, there is Strawberries and Cream, but it just aint the same thing.

As for the food itself?  The fries were fine, and that was about the only good thing.  The burger bun was cold.  The patty was too small and off centre, and there was way too much slaw.  That meant the first two bites got me nothing but slop and slaw between two cold yet odly greasy slices of bun.  When I did get to the meat, it wasn’t the medium rare they promised to deliver.  It was rare.  Too rare.  I’m talking cool in the middle, falling apart rare.

Sorry Burger Bliss.  I’m afraid you’re not winning me over.  If you read this, here are a few pointers which may help you improve business, and I should point out that while I was there – the peak of lunchtime – there were only two other customers in the joint.  You can’t be making money with your current formula.

  • Cook your burgers more thoroughly, and try to get the patties the right size.
  • Go easy on the slaw.
  • Give customers what they want.  Sure it’s nice to offer some different flavours of shakes, but how about offering some classic favourites as well?  Nobody likes being forced to eat or drink their 2nd choice.
  • Smile, and don’t grunt.

I’ll give you guys 1 Star, and that’s just because the fries were nice.  Everything else needs work, and I suggest you do it quickly, or you’re probably not going to turn a profit any time soon.

I think from now on, when I need a burger, and really I only get this absolute craving about once every other month, I’ll probably trek over to Carnegie to go to Grill’d.  The music is loud there too, but not so loud I can’t hear myself think.  They smile, and while they don’t do shakes at all, their drink selection is a helluva lot better than what’s on offer at Burger Bliss.

 

 

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The Slop – The Workshop Weapon from The Workshop in Glen Huntly Rd. 8/10

After doing a round of indent orders for the day job, I felt I deserved a burger (even though I had waaay too much of Miss9’s birthday celebratory party food over the last week.)  So, up to The Workshop in Glen Huntly Rd, I went, along with my brother.  They offered us a menu.  We declined, just saying we’d have the burger.  What we got was the Workshop Weapon. IMG_3431[1]

Prime grilled wagyu beef, tomato, salad, cheese, onion rings,  chimichurri mayo in a brioche bun, served with herbed chips, and pickles.

Pros:

  • The patty-to-bun ration was spot on.  No sloppy half-empty sides of the burger.
  • The “chimchurri” mayo (I ha dto Google it.  It’s a   dunno what it is either) tasted pretty awesome.
  • Wagyu.  In dietary terms, lean is good, but in the burger world it’s fat that cuts the mustard.  Forget your heart-smart lean mince.  Go for a nice fatty cut and you’ll get a yummy, juicy patty every time.
  • The chips were great.
  • The fancy bun.  Looked impressive, and wasn’t lacking in flavour either.
  • Melted cheese.  The fact that they use Wagyu beef, and know to melt the cheese on the patty while it’s on the grill, all point to some talent underneath the apron.  These guys know how to make a burger *.

Cons:

  • The fancy bun.  I know it was in the Pros for flavour, but being a brioche, it was also a little on the sweet side.
  • The pickles.  They look nice in a little pile, but really, I’d rather my pickles be in the burger, unless they’re the real good polski ogorki kind you get at a good Jewish deli.
  • * Onion rings.  Seriously?  I mean they added a nice crunch, but again they made what could have been a spectacular burger a tad on the sweet side.  Sure, put onions in a burger.  In fact, add some bacon or relish while you’re at it.  Just don’t bother to coat them in batter and deep fry them.

So, all up, a much better burger than the Boss Hog burger from Hog’s Breath which I reviewed the other day, but still a little off being a true masterpiece.  *  Bit disappointed they didn’t go the full monty and show off that talent as per my comments about onion rings.  That said, I’m now about to lapse into a food coma, so if you’ll excuse me, I need to go lie down…

Sam

The Slop – The Boss Hog Burger from Hog’s Breath. 6 / 10

Every now and then I spoil myself by getting a hamburger.  My waistline doesn’t like it.  My doctor really doesn’t like it, but I do like it, so there.  Last night I had the honour of taking my two kids to the local Hog’s Breath steakhouse.  Hey, Superwife was away, and at least one kid ate free  (kids eat free on Tuesdays – one kid per adult.)

This is what I got.

IMG_3421

It’s the Boss Hog burger.  Double meat patty, cheese, sauce, some green stuff, beetroot, and onions, all served with curly fries.

Pros:

  • It won points for sheer size.  That it needed scaffolding in the form of a steak knife to stop it toppling over was a good sign.  I had to turn it upside down at one point, and that’s always a pretty good thing too.
  • I needed extra napkins, but more because it was greasy than sloppy.  Didn’t get much dribbling onto the plate.
  • It was filling, and satisfying enough that I didn’t need dessert.

Cons:

  • The meat to bun ratio was all out of whack.  The patties were not as wide as the bun.  A good burger gets the patty as wide, or even better, wider, than the bun.
  • The patty also lacked seasoning.  Sure there was some sauce in there, but a little salt and pepper goes a long way.  The cheese was also very mild, and could have improved the burger incredibly if it had been tasty rather than generic cheddar one step away from plastic.
  • Extras like bacon or egg were available, but for the money, should have been included in the first place.
  • The bun itself was a little on the sweet & soft side.  It went all mushy while I ate.  A bun with a crisper crust would have improved it no end.
  • PICKLES!  C’mon, even that scourge upon the Earth, McDonalds knows to put pickles in their “burgers”.

So, all up, it gets 6 points out of 10.  I’ll probably post another burger review some time soon, or at least when I can fit into my pants again…

Sam