SJB Gilmour Writes

…and rants and ruminates…

Month: June, 2016

On Coffee, Jedi Mind Tricks, And Other Random Pieces And Bits.

I rocked up to work this morning ready for my morning  shot of espresso.  Aaaagh!  No pods!  So, in a desperate search for caffiene, I found a jar of Moccona Gold tucked away in the kitchen. It used to be the best we could get. Now I’m hooked on espresso pod coffee, it’s bilgewater, but it does have caffeine… Thankfully my brother’s search and rescue mission to Aldi has solved the pending crisis at the day job.

In the short time it took me to make a cup, a thought occurred to me.  I could have tried the deep breathing and other mindfullness Jedi mind tricks they teach you at rehab to deal with cravings, but nup, it didn’t even enter my head.  What I should have done was ride the wave of the craving and waited it out.  I think I’ll have to try harder.  That means bringing out the big guns — Sticky notes.

The real problem is, I don’t want to quit coffee.  I like it.  I’ve been hooked on it since my late teens, and it’s come in pretty handy at times, let me tell you.  But if I can quit smoking, booze and other vices, I’m sure I can quit that beautiful brown stuff.  Do I go for decaf?  Hmm.  I think that’s just a placebo.  It’s funny, after nearly 30 years, I still don’t really like the taste of coffee.  I love the smell, but without caffeine in it, it’s just useless brown water that smells nice.  Herbal tea smells nice too.  I might just have to drink more of that instead.



A Lapse And An Apology.

It’s a pretty personal post this time.  I’m not seeking attention, sympathy or anything else.  I just need to get this off my chest.

I don’t know, or very much care, what others consider the term alcoholic to mean.  To me, it means anyone who has a problem with the substance.  About six and a half years ago, I hit what some would term as rock bottom.  I was drinking way too much, too often, and I was on the wrong meds for my bi-polar disorder and depression.  It was a bad, nearly fatal mix.  But, with the help of my awesome family, and some time with some medics at a clinic, I got clean and, eventually, on the right cocktail of meds.

Funnily enough, not a day has gone by since then that I actually craved a drink.  I craved smokes like you wouldn’t believe.  That was by far the worse addiction for me.  Still, using the Jedi mind tricks of mindfulness, I kicked the smokes.

Then a few months back, Superwife reluctantly agreed to try controlled drinking — that’s where the one with the problem tries to stick to a set limit.  It worked for a short while, but then those receptors in the brain kicked up a fuss and I found myself sneaking extra drinks because once I started, stopping at whatever the limit was, was a problem.  Without going into the gory details, the other night there was a confrontation, a night of fun was ruined, and a few dear family members felt betrayed, hurt and probably angry.

That’s where my apology comes in.  Superwife, I’m sorry.  To everyone else involved that night, (I won’t name names — the people to whom I’m referring know who they are,) I’m sorry.

So now, I’m back to being dry, and back to going through a rehab course; more of a structured refresher this time.  The plan this time is to learn more tools to help me when I’m in what’s known as high risk situations so I don’t have that one drink after which I find it almost impossible to stop.

Oh, and just for the record, if anyone out there is considering trying controlled drinking, don’t bother.  It doesn’t work.  Don’t just take my word for it.  Ask any shrink.

Anyway, who knows, maybe this time around, I’ll be able to quit a couple of my other vices, like sweets before bed, and the double espressos in the morning as well as learning to keep myself on track.